:)

Ich nenne diesen Text ":)", denn das ist das passendste, das mir gerade einfällt.

Ich schreibe das hier auf deutsch.
Wahnsinn. 

Dass du das hier lesen wirst, weiß ich sogar.

Ich kann mich auf dich verlassen.
Du bist da.

Mir sind schon viele gute Menschen, auch Freunde, weggelaufen oder weggenommen worden.
Und manche Menschen waren im Nachhinein nicht mehr ganz so gut wie ich dachte.
Ich habe immernoch Angst dich zu verlieren.
Aber Ich Vertraue dir.
Nur wenn du wegfliegst, oder lange irgendwohin fahren musst, denke ich immer an dich.
Und hoffe, dass dir nichts passiert.

Seit wir uns kennengelernt haben, habe ich mich sehr verändert.
Ich habe andere Ziele im Leben.
Ich gehe anders mit Menschen um.
Und ich glaube einiges mehr über mich als Menschen zu wissen, wie damals.

Du hast mich auf jede Art gerettet, auf die man einen Menschen retten kann.
(Ja aus Titanic.. wie kitschig. :D aber wahr)

Es ist halb 12 nachts.
Und ich sitze hier und tippe. 

Ich höre und lese so viele tolle Zeilen. 
In Liedern. In Filmen. In Büchern.

'Help me get better, you pull me right out of the blue'

Ich sollte langsam wieder die Klappe halten.

Du bist wundervoll. Du bist mein Wertvollstes.
Ich liebe dich. (aber das weißt du ja :D ) 

Care.

Everything crashes down.

I'm so scared of losing myself.
I don't want scars.

But I scratch my arms.
If somebody asks.. they were itching.
I had some stupid ideas.
I fell.
The cat. Whatever.

I'm not a attentionseeking whore.
If I did it for the attention, I'd cut my face.

Stop telling sad girls that they are attentionseekers.
They aren't. And you know it.

Funny. Society is blind to the things it does to us.
Even funnier. We are society. WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES!

Don't judge.
Don't hate. It's difficult.
But just care.
Care.

Since then.

Since then I have changed a lot.

I've become more of what I am.
I know a lot more about myself.
I have lost friends,
I have found new ones.

And I think.. life is totally different.

My best friends are great.
They like me. And I don't even have a clue why.
They do.
They are there when I really need them.
They are what friends should be.

Back then, I thougt I knew what real friendship felt like.
But I was mistaken.
Friends don't judge you.
Friends don't want you to feel down.
Friends want you to feel good.
Friends respect you.

THEY CARE!

You know what?
If you're sad.
Write me a  comment. Or a private message.
I'll answer. Anytime.
If you need a friend.

You fix me.

Did you know..

That you are like a plaster?
You protect my wounds.
You make them heal.

I thank you so much. For every little thing you've done for me.

I want to tell the world.. that I'm a very broken girl.
But I have the best friends in the world. That will do anything to help me.

And I'm so thankful.
They know me at my worst and at my best.
They are there. Always.

I love you. I'd do anything for you.
This is for my best friends.

No one could ever replace you! ♥

Fucking life...

I haven't been blogging for a whole lot of time.

I'm sitting on my bed.
I'm feeling very miserable.

It's so nice that my friends tell me that I'm pretty.
But everytime I look in the mirror I think I'm ugly.
With a lot of make up. I feel a lot more comfortable.
But... with 'naked' skin.
I see all those blemishes.
I look like a really ugly monster.

I'm so sorry to say that.
But thats how I feel.

I feel stupid, ugly and unlovable.
Yeah. With my kind of problems I'm always annoying people.

And it's sick. But.. when a friendship is too good to be true.
You are always scared that something goes wrong.
That everything was - like usual - just imagination.

I'm the one that loves more.
Always.
I feel like it.

Last night.
I cried a lot.

I don't know what to feel anymore.
I'm unsatisfied. With everything in my fucking life.

Crying all day, crying all night.

This feeling.
I don't know what it is.
But I felt like crying every single minute of this week.
I cry a lot.
Not the whole time.
But now?
All I can think about are things that are making me sad.
I miss London.
I miss my friends. I miss my best friend.
I feel so miserable when I look in the mirror.
And I cry.
I look like a freakin zombie.
Pale, frizzy hair and dead eyes.
I am scared.
Scared of whats to come.
This is going too fast.
I want to get out.
Now.
So I cry. And I cry.
I am crying all day, and crying all night.

Kryptonite.

I don't want this to become a music-blog..But sometimes... a little music won't hurt.

And here it is, my kryptonite..
Men.
British.
Musicians.
Tattooed.
Remarkably different from whats 'normal'.

That. Exactly that is what makes me weak as shit.
Sorry, I'm not sorry.